4 Ways to Overcome Orgasm Roadblocks

Where did your O go?

Overcome (ahem) the most common peak problems with this roadblock-busting advice.

You’re having a bad butt day

Regardless of how body confident you are normally, "once a seed of insecurity has been planted in your head, your arousal starts to wane, and you lose the momentum you need to climax," explains sex therapist Gloria G. Brame, PhD, author of The Truth About Sex.

How to get over the hump: Drown out those body-conscious thoughts with your own moans. It sounds a little silly, but making some serious noise "will redirect your focus from the visual to the auditory, so you can revel in what your body is doing, rather than how it looks," Brame says.

You’re trying too hard

Your man’s been going to town for what feels like forever, and you’re determined to make it worth all the effort. But the longer you both work at it, the further away your O seems to be.

"This is a form of performance anxiety for women," Brame explains. "They feel pressure to orgasm easily, which only makes it harder to climax."

Switch it up

How to get over the hump: In order to break the cycle, stop making orgasms your objective. Instead, enjoy the pleasure you’re feeling without focusing on the end game, suggests Vivienne Cass, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Elusive Orgasm.

If it feels like it’s not going to happen for you, take a break and switch things up (like just make out for a few minutes). Not only will the pressure dissipate, but when you’re ready to go again, you’ll be more aroused and closer to the finish line.

Your brain is too freaking busy

There’s no better tension reliever than orgasms—oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which is released in large doses after an O, may even reduce your stress level.

And yet, when your daily to-do’s are consuming your thoughts, it’s difficult to hit the high note: Research shows that it’s easier for a woman to climax if the conscious centers of her brain associated with anxiety literally shut off.

How to get over the hump: Fade out the internal chatter by focusing solely on the sensations. "Tune into what every stroke and touch feels like," Brame advises. "If thoughts from the day creep in, snap your focus back to what’s happening to both of your bodies."

Your man’s on your $#!% list

Bottled-up anger at your guy can interfere with your ability to finish strong.

"That resentment shifts your attention away from any pleasurable sensations," Cass explains, "which makes it harder to have an orgasm."

How to get over the hump: If it’s a minor issue, try to resolve it before you get busy. "Talking it through can build intimacy, making you more receptive to a sexual connection," Cass says.

When bigger problems are at play, your desire may have vanished altogether. Consider seeing a couples therapist to recover your relationship—and your O’s.
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