29 Days to a Healthier Relationship Part B

Remember that you're a team

Expanding your brood requires adjustment. “Sex lives of people who have children are worse—there’s data to prove it,” says Andrew Goldstein, MD, an obstetrician and gynecologist at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

When possible, get a friend or relative to occasionally help out at night so mom and dad have some time to cultivate their relationship one-on-one. Especially as kids get older, make sure they understand that mom and dad need time to themselves.

Watch your waistline

Wedded couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can spell trouble in terms of sexual attraction and general health. A 2007 study found that your chances of becoming obese increase by 37% if your spouse becomes obese. So unless you want “till death do us part” to include chronic health issues like heart disease and diabetes, it’s important to establish healthy eating habits early on.

Spend couple time checking out local farmers’ markets on the weekends in an effort to consume fresher, low-calorie fare. Or...

Make an exercise date

A 1995 study found that couples who work out together are more likely to stick with an exercise program. And some experts suggest that couples who exercise more frequently tend to have better sex lives.

Try a life sport that you can enjoy together for decades to come, like golf, tennis, or hiking.

Work on your working relationship

Given the state of the economy, it's likely that you or your partner is facing some tough employment choices. Both partners need to respect the other’s role and recognize their situation as shared. Open communication can help you weather the storm and make your relationship even stronger.

Find family and friends dealing with this same issue. Talking about shared struggles can help couples gain perspective and give them a chance to feel good about using their experience to help others.

Get some shut-eye

Snoring away and having passionate sex may seem like exact opposites, but experts insist that getting enough sleep is the number-one aphrodisiac.

Too tired for intimacy at night? Change your schedule to include some cuddling or a quickie before work.

Love your body

Is your libido lagging? Many women withdraw if they feel overweight.

News flash: “Women have a talent for disliking the very things about themselves that other people find very attractive,” says Los Angeles–based sex therapist Linda De Villers, PhD. Feel free to ask your partner what he likes about your body; his compliments can help you feel more positive.

Eat more seafood

Oysters are one of the best sources of libido-boosting zinc. But other types of seafood can also act as aphrodisiacs, too. Oily fish—like wild salmon and herring—contain omega-3 fatty acids, which are essential for a healthy heart.

Swap in seafood instead of your usual meat or poultry a few times a week. You'll be doing your heart and your sex life a favor.

Search for the big O

Elusive? Yes. Attainable? Certainly. Although every woman is unique, the woman-on-top position is a good place to start, says Berman. For most of us, clitoral stimulation is key to an orgasm, and this position lets you rub your clitoris against your partner's pelvic bone for dual stimulation.

Sex from behind, or doggie-style, is another great option because it stimulates the G-spot in the vagina while also allowing you or your partner to rub your clitoris by hand. It also makes it easy to massage other erogenous zones like the nipples, which increase your chance of reaching the big O.

Stop comparing yourself to other couples

It doesn’t matter whether you’re having sex five times a week or five times a year, as long as both of you are happy. In fact, a 2008 study found that couples who reported any kind of marital intimacy—everything from holding hands to sex—exhibited lower levels of a hormone produced by stress.

Have a pre-date

You've rushed home from work, hopped in the shower, and turned on the hair dryer while feeding the kids—you'd probably rather take a nap than hit the town. So have the babysitter come early on date night so you can relax with music and unwind with your partner before you head out.

Get away

"People are overworked and stressed, and they translate their overworked, stressed lives to a lousy sex life." suggests Irwin Goldstein, MD, the director of San Diego Sexual Medicine and editor in chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

When your to-do list gets to be too much, take a couple's trip—or send the kids to their grandparents' house and have a staycation. It may be just what you need to recharge your relationship.

Don't be afraid to get help

When a marriage is rocky, it can make both partners feel depressed. But only middle-aged women—not men—seem to have health problems associated with marital strife, such as high blood pressure, excess belly fat, and other factors that boost risk for heart attack and diabetes, says a recent study. The bottom line? If your relationship feels rocky, get help.

Be understanding if your partner seems skittish

It’s got to be nerve-racking to propose marriage to your sweetie. But as freaky as Jaws?

A survey of British men found that guys are just about equally frightened by shark attacks and popping the question! So cut the guy some slack—or better yet, take the heat of him and do the proposing yourself!

Realize that all couples fight...

...but once you've settled your grievances, you've set the stage for amazing makeup sex. It's natural to feel turned on after an argument— adrenaline and dopamine (your hormone of desire) levels rise, giving you that excited feeling.

One caveat: If it always takes a blowout to get you two connecting, then you should seriously consider talking to a couple's counselor.

Work on yourself first

When you are feeling depressed, your partner feels the strain too. If you tend to isolate yourself when you’re feeling blue, it can take a serious toll on your relationship.

Antidepressants can help pull you out of a funk, but are less effective for mild depression than moderate or severe depression. They can also cause side effects like a decreased libido. If you notice a dip in your sex drive, discuss alternative medications with your doctor or seek non-drug treatments like talk therapy or exercise.
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